Mistakes are Proof You Tried

Mistakes are Proof You Tried

Today I was listening to a podcast (of course) - “Good Kids: How Not to Raise an A**hole.”  I wanted to share this podcast with my friends/family that are parents, as well as anyone else, such as myself, who is around kids (my nieces,nephews and friends’ kids) and wants to better interact with, handle kids, etc.  I think there are interesting/good topics and for me anyway, little things that I learn/can do. For example, inone episode a mother was saying how she always makes a point to acknowledge her kids when they are in the room, it was something her mother did that made her feel very seen.  I’m going to now try to do this too. A small, but simple thing I learned I can do.

In the episode I listened to today “How to Raise An Emotionally Intelligent Child,” the host said that her young daughter had said to her “Mistakes are proof you tried,” (which she guessed she must have heard on a show,) and I loved his.  I had never heard this or thought of that before. Thinking about it even more I was also thinking hat “Failure is proof you tried,” is also a good way to look at it/think of it. I will be remembering and telling myself this when I make a mistake or fail, but I think that is great to share with/teach the kids in our life.

For those interested, please check out the podcast and hey, lets teach the kids in our life that it is okay to make mistakes/fail.  Yes, mistakes/failures show we tried, but also mistakes/failures are some of the best ways that we can learn things (unfortunately.)

Can’t We Just All Be Friends?

Can’t We Just All Be Friends?

I’ve been hearing more and more about Ellen DeGeneres and George W. Bush at the Cowboys game together.  When I first heard/saw that Ellen and Bush watched a Cowboys game together and seemed to not just be getting along, but seemed to (gasp!) be enjoying one another my first thought was “it is sad that this is news” and then “good for them.”

I understand that people seem more and more divided these days and people seem to be less tolerant of one another, but really, this shouldn’t be such big news.  It is sad that this happens so rarely that it is news.

Ellen defended their friendship - “We’re all different. . .that’s ok.”  I wish more people handled themselves like Ellen and George W.  My mom and I agree on a lot of things, but also disagree on a lot.  I love, respect and appreciate my mom so much for allowing me to have my own views, thoughts, opinions and being open/understanding enough for me to talk to her openly and honestly with no judgement from her.

I have heard people making the case, essentially stressing the importance of standing by what you believe, not just changing/or “hiding” your views for someone else.  I understand that, but I think that it is okay to sometimes focus on what brings us together rather than what divides us and that doesn’t mean that you aren’t true to your views/beliefs.

Let’s Get Physical, Physical. . .

Let’s Get Physical, Physical

I just recently listened to two podcasts, both of which focused on physical activity/exercise.

Dax Shepard’s Armchair Expert - Tal Ben-Shahar

Tal Ben-Shahar is a professor and author in the areas of positive psychology, organizational psychology and leadership.  I found him interesting and one thing he talked about was the importance of physical activity, particularly for mental health.  He said that he doesn’t even ask his kids how school was - how was the test, or a class et. He rather focuses on and choses to ask his kids about their physical activities - sports, dance, etc.  That seems kind of silly at first, but he essentially said he knows that teachers will reach out to him if there are issues with classes, tests, grades etc. He knows the importance of physical activity for everyone, including children, so that is where he focuses.

I don’t think that everyone should stop asking their kids about school, but perhaps this is a good reminder to also place importance on physical activity.

Science Vs - Exercise: Fat Buster or Belly Flop?

I’ve listened to a few Science Vs podcasts and always enjoy them - they look at and use science to explain something.  In talking about exercise, they talked about how exercise isn’t great for weight loss. While you can technically lose weight through exercise, very few people exercise long enough/hard enough to actually result in weight loss.  Ultimately, eating healthy is more impactful. This didn’t surprise me, but I liked hearing more about the other benefits of exercise. It addresses how exercise can help (some) in dealing with depression, it essentially stimulates the production of brain cells and while more research is needed, it seems to help fight illnesses such as cancer.

I am so incredibly grateful that I actually enjoy physical activity. . .running etc.  I definitely feel the physical and mental benefits of exercise. People often stop me when I’m running, to ask me if I’m okay (because I am usually kind of wobbly, have a strange gait etc.)  I always say “yes” and keep running. Some people continue though asking if I need water, if I’m injured etc. At that point I explain that I’m fine, I just have MS and am wobbly etc. People often say “wow” and can’t believe I continue running.  I always tell them (and believe that) “it is my sanity.” I’m also grateful that both my parents are active/exercise.

I know exercise/physical activity is not enjoyed by many people, but I hope this encourages/reminds every to get/stay active.

Psychiatric Medication - Not a very fun game. . .

Psychiatric Medication - Not a very fun game. . .

I just came across this article:What’s it like to start on psychiatric medication? For me, it was akin to playing this board game, and wanted to share.  As someone who takes psychiatric medication and is on this journey, I thought this could be helpful for those who have not taken psychiatric medication to better understand.  Also, it is always nice to be reminded that you are not alone and I thought it was nice to be able to kind of laugh at the journey/“game,” especially since it usually just isn’t funny.

For those who have not had to play this game themselves, I just ask that you try to be supportive of those in your life that are playing.  I consider myself incredibly fortunate to:

• Have friends and family that have always been supportive of me choosing to take psychiatric medication.
• Have friends and family that have stuck with me through the ups and downs of this game.
• To have a psychiatrist that I absolutely love and trust.

Even with the amazing support that I have, this game can be challenging. . for those of you who are playing, hang in there.

A Couple Women’s Health Learnings

A  Couple Women’s Health Learnings

I recently learned two things about women’s health, which I should have known, but didn’t.  I had never heard either of these, so I just wanted to share.

Heart Attacks

I was recently listening to a podcast and they were discussing how women are often not taken seriously or believed when raising health issues, or at least are believed less than men.  It was then brought up that women have different heart attack signs/symptoms than men. What? I never knew that. If you had asked me I would have said the common chest pain, heartburn, pain in the left arm etc.  Well it turns out that the symptoms I am familiar with are more specific to men. Women have different heart attack symptoms which include those listed below. And while these aren’t all that different from men’s symptoms, there are some differences and women should be aware of the symptoms that women experience,especially because it seems that young women often don’t even realize when they are having a heart attack.

Younger Women Hesitate To Say They're Having A Heart Attack

A heart attack doesn't necessarily feel like a sudden painful episode that ends in collapse, she notes. And women are more likely than men to experience vague symptoms like nausea or pain down their arms.

"Women may experience a combination of things they don't always associate with a heart attack," Lichtman says. "Maybe we need to do a better job of explaining and describing to the public what a heart attack looks and feels like."

Women’s Heart Attack Symptoms

• Neck, jaw, shoulder, upper back or abdominal discomfort
• Shortness of breath
• Pain in one or both arms
• Nausea or vomiting
• Sweating
• Lightheadedness or dizziness
• Unusual fatigue

Perimenopause

I had never heard of perimenopause until the women doing my tattoo mentioned it while she was working on my arm.  We didn’t actually talk about it, so I looked it up when I got home.

Many women in my life are experiencing perimenopause or will be in the next few years, so I just wanted to share in case there are others that are not familiar with it.  

Perimenopause

Perimenopause means "around menopause" and refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.

Symptoms

• Irregular periods. As ovulation becomes more unpredictable, the length of time between periods may be longer or shorter, your flow may be light to heavy, and you may skip some periods. If you have a persistent change of seven days or more in the length of your menstrual cycle, you may be in early perimenopause. If you have a space of 60 days or more between periods, you're likely in late perimenopause.
• Hot flashes and sleep problems. Hot flashes are common during perimenopause. The intensity, length and frequency vary. Sleep problems are often due to hot flashes or night sweats, but sometimes sleep becomes unpredictable even without them.
• Mood changes. Mood swings, irritability or increased risk of depression may happen during perimenopause. The cause of these symptoms may be sleep disruption associated with hot flashes. Mood changes may also be caused by factors not related to the hormonal changes of perimenopause.
• Vaginal and bladder problems. When estrogen levels diminish, your vaginal tissues may lose lubrication and elasticity, making intercourse painful. Low estrogen may also leave you more vulnerable to urinary or vaginal infections. Loss of tissue tone may contribute to urinary incontinence.
• Decreasing fertility. As ovulation becomes irregular, your ability to conceive decreases. However, as long as you're having periods, pregnancy is still possible. If you wish to avoid pregnancy, use birth control until you've had no periods for 12 months.
• Changes in sexual function. During perimenopause, sexual arousal and desire may change. But if you had satisfactory sexual intimacy before menopause, this will likely continue through perimenopause and beyond.
• Loss of bone. With declining estrogen levels, you start to lose bone more quickly than you replace it, increasing your risk of osteoporosis — a disease that causes fragile bones.

Changing cholesterol levels. Declining estrogen levels may lead to unfavorable changes in your blood cholesterol levels, including an increase in low-density lipoprotein (LDL) cholesterol — the "bad" cholesterol — which contributes to an increased risk of heart disease. At the same time, high-density lipoprotein (HDL) cholesterol — the "good" cholesterol — decreases in many women as they age, which also increases the risk of heart disease.

Happiness Is About Peace

Happiness Is About Peace

When I brush my teeth and wash my face in the morning I always listen to YouTube videos.  I had listed to a video from Stephan Colbert and the next video that played was his interview with Jada Pinkett Smith on The Colbert Report.  I don’t like/dislike her, but continued listening.  They discussed happiness and that Jada can say now that she is happy.  Stephen joked about her finally finding happiness at age 46. Jada said  "I really thought happiness had a lot to do with pleasure and I realize that happiness is about peace. I'm the most peaceful I've ever been in my life."  I liked this.  As most of you know, I deal with depression, pretty much all the time, and while I don’t think my definition of happiness is the issue (it is my MS brain not sending/using chemicals as it should,) but that being said, I think it will be helpful for me to rethink what happiness is.  I don’t have to be completely carefree, laughing, having the greatest time to be happy.

Pay Tickets and Do Good

Pay Tickets and Do Good

I just wanted to share this article - Indiana police department lets people pay for parking tickets with donations to local animal shelter.  I love this.  If you’re reading this you know that I love dogs and support dog/animal shelters.  How much better would it be paying a ticket if you were saving animals. . .or doing anything good?  

A lot of companies do good - whether it be donating money, volunteering etc. and it ultimately benefits them, with the press/publicity etc.  I’m okay with that. . .I say do good, help others and if it benefits you/the company, that is fine with me. The good is still being done.

Let’s Play Away Our Problems

Let’s Play Away Our Problems

I recently saw this article An artist built seesaws into the U.S.-Mexico border and invited kids to play on them and just love this.  No, I don’t want to argue immigration/politics with anyone, but I thought this was a wonderful.  Using play to demonstrate that while we are so very different, we are also so very similar is brilliant.  And hey, sometimes you just want to play. It just makes me think, wouldn’t it be great if we could use play to solve all issues.

I’m not Sick, I’m Brave

I’m not Sick, I’m Brave

I recently read this People article:  Selma Blair Says Son Calling Her ‘Brave’ Through Her MS Journey Is One of Her ‘Proudest Moments.’ Selma Blair has MS and has been pretty open about her MS and how it has impacted her.  She even walked the red carpet at the Vanity Fair Oscars Party with her cane.

In the article she discussed her son and her MS and shared that he says:  ‘Mommy’s not sick. Mommy’s brave.’ I love that - so sweet and true.

Criticism, Overreacting

Criticism, Overreacting

I was listening to Pod Save America “MEGAN RAPINOE!!!” and as many of you are likely aware, she is a kick ass soccer player and  has been very vocal in her fight for women’s equality, particularly equal pay for women.  When asked if she would visit the White House if they won the World Cup she also famously said "I'm not going to the fucking White House."  Needless to say, on the podcast they discussed Megan’s “criticism/thoughts” on America, politics etc and I really liked her response. Ultimately she said that she didn’t understand why people get so angry at the criticism she has given - that through criticism we can learn, become aware of issues and ultimately improve.  Does anyone enjoy being criticized? No, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve really tried to embrace criticism and use the feedback to improve. And yes, I think there are ways that criticism can/should be given to be more effective - to be accepted/embraced rather than upsetting others. I don’t think we need to always handle people/situations with kid gloves every time we have criticism to provide though.  I do think we should be aware that how the criticism is given will likely impact how it is received, handled, etc.

When listening to Hysteria “The Creep Community” it was brought up how women often overreact - or at least are often accused of overreacting.  I like that it was said that it is okay to overreact and that “I would love us to all give each other permission to overreact.”  They were speaking to women speaking up when men do something that makes them uncomfortable (e.g. touches them,) but I really think this applies to all situations.  Yes, we all overreact, but also, I think much of the time we should just look at it as a woman reacting. Just because a woman doesn’t like something, doesn’t mean it is “over” reacting, she very likely just may be reacting and we should respect her feelings.

How We Choose to Remember Those in our Lives

How We Choose to Remember
Those in our Lives

I was listening to Dax Shepard’s podcast with Elizabeth Gilbert.  They were talking about the passing of her love.  While discussing end of life Dax said “I would refuse to disrespect what a beautiful experience this had been by measuring it all by the end” and I just really loved that.  I don’t think by any means that everyone shouldn’t remember the end/has to remember only the good of those who pass.  That being said, I agree with Dax - we are all complex people and if someone is in my life it is because they are “good” and it is okay to remember the good, not just “the end.”

I think this really touched me because someone I love dearly is much different later in their life than they were earlier in life, ultimately being “better/nicer” earlier in their life and I know that when they pass  I will choose to remember them as they were earlier in their life. I actually kind of already do this. . .I choose to think of who they were earlier in life, rather than who they are now. I realize that there may very well be some psychological learnings that would consider this “wrong,” but this is how I feel best and am best able to deal with the person as they are now.  I am not ignoring/blind to their faults, but I choose to look at them/think of them as the wonderful person they were for most of my life. . .not just who they are now.

Talking to Kids - Ugh . . .Puberty

Talking to Kids - Ugh . . .Puberty

There are many things that I know, not being a parent, I miss out on/will miss out on.  One thing though that I am happy to miss/not have to deal with is puberty. I’m glad I don’t have to deal with and navigate the changing bodies, attitudes, hormones. . .  I obviously have no experience in parenting, but I recently read This mother's description of her tween son's brain is a must-read for all parents and thought it would be good to share.  Many of you have children - some approaching puberty soon, some not for several years.  I like the idea of being very open with, communicating with children, even when it comes to uncomfortable topics like puberty.

This made me think of a podcast that I recently listened to.  They were talking about Pride month and were ultimately discussing wanting Pride events to be for everyone. . .including families/children and how to do it in a way that allows the LBGTQ community to be themselves, while also having it be family friendly.  I, as I’m sure many of you, have been to some Pride parades where I’ve seen some risque things. Much of it though is just more different than risque. They talked about how well kids handle things when you just talk to them and give them information.  They used the example of a man dressed in a pink fairy costume. A child might find that confusing/strange or ask about that, but for many children, especially young children, it can be as simple as just explaining - he likes pink, he likes fairies. That may be all that some kids need.

Once again, not coming from a parent, so what do I know, but it really made me think that sometimes maybe things are scarier or harder for adults to talk about than for the kids.  Maybe we (adults) need to just sometimes face the discomfort and talk to kids. Just my $0.02.

A Couple Good Reminders

A Couple Good Reminders

I recently started listening to Dax Shepard’s podcast.  I couldn’t have told you much of anything about him other than he is Kristen Bell’s husband.  I have really enjoyed his podcast though. He is funny/silly, but also I would say he is more emotional (aware of, able to talk about etc) than the stereotypical average man.

Today I was listening to the episode with Kumail Nanjiani  A couple things were discussed that stood out to me that I just wanted to share:

Comparing Yourself to Others

They were talking about how comparing yourself to others is such a bad/negative thing to do, because it usually ends up making people feel bad about/question themselves.  In the discussion, Dax gave the little aphorism: Don’t compare yourself to others, compare yourself to yourself (your younger self/yourself prior.) I liked this. Comparing yourself to others just about always ends up making us feel bad about ourselves.  I think though that it is/can be very insightful to look at yourself - what you have done, believed, etc in the past. I think everyone can always continue to better themselves and grow. I still have a lot to do to improve myself as a person, but I feel that I’ve become a better person as I’ve gotten older.  That doesn’t mean though that I am better in every way, but I have grown and improved in a lot of ways and I think much of that is a result of self reflection.

Anger

When discussing anger it was recommended that when angry it is important to focus on yourself - what you can do to improve things, whether improving a situation, improving your attitude etc.  The example was given - if you are angry dealing with traffic think about how things can get better - either you can change or the traffic can change. You know the traffic isn’t going to change, so you need to change yourself, your attitude, your expectations.  I think this is a good reminder that while often so many things are out of our control, we always have control over our attitudes. And no, it isn’t always easy, but it is something that we can do.

Body Image

Body Image

With summer approaching (maybe? hopefully?) we are getting closer to swimsuit season in Chicago.  While body image issues are spoken of more often around swimsuit season, it is something I, and most women, deal with year round.  (If you know me, then you already know that body image is an issue for me and if you don’t, you could likely infer this from my previous posts - with my eating disorder and food issues, of course body image issues are in the mix.)  I am happy to be in a pretty good place now with my body image. I still often struggle to have a positive body image, but I am so much better than years prior

I recently saw this article:  Bebe Rexha Posts Bikini Pic To Show ‘What A Real Woman Looks Like’

.  I had never heard of Bebe Rexha, (by the way, she is a singer,) but with body image being something I struggle with, I looked at the article out of curiosity.  Famous people posting an untouched photo, or bikini photo showing what their body really looks like isn’t all that uncommon anymore. I feel that they usually still look fabulous - they are in amazing shape, have wonderful skin, etc.  I mean look at this article/photo of Christie Brinkley, 65, in her bikini - she looks amazing for any age, especially 65, but let’s face it, she is/was a supermodel and just doesn’t have an average woman’s body.  I love that the image of Bebe truly looks like a normal woman. Maybe I was especially interested because I think her body looks a lot like mine.  Anyway, I hope to see more photos of “normal” women’s bodies. I think it would be so good for improving body image.

A podcast that I was listening to last weekend was talking about how social media affects body image and they gave the example that one of the woman’s doctors said that they are seeing more and more women,young women, coming in with plastic surgery requests to make them look like a picture of themselves that had been filtered.  The doctor said they have to explain that they can’t do that - it often just isn’t possible to actually do, but also ethically. It is sad. I think it is tough enough to have a good body image, but I can see how social media makes it so much more difficult. I think about kids these days and I am so grateful that I didn’t have social media growing up.  Yes, there are upsides to social media, but ugh I had a hard enough time with my first real breakup without social media. I can’t imagine if I had to see him interacting with other girls on social media, if I had to see photos etc. I would have been even more of a mess.

I actually don’t use social media.  I have a Facebook account, but am never on it and I don’t have Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat. . .any of them.  That being said, I’ve never applied filters to any of my photos. I guess it is the norm now though for many youths (and many adults too ) I don’t know how to make it better for youth these days, but I guess we all just need to try to ensure we are building them up - good body image, the importance of non-physical qualities. . .

Happy Mother’s Day!

Just a reminder.  I am not a mom, I don’t know how all you ladies do it - I admire you.  While I consider myself a “dog mom,” no I don’t think that is anywhere near being a real mom to a human child, but my dog is the only little one that i love and care for, so that is my closest comparison.  Also, any thoughts I ever have on parenting. . .take ‘em or leave ‘em. I share things that I have seen, experienced as a child or just things that sound good, interesting etc. I don’t know anything about parenting though - I’m not trying to pretend that I do.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms in my life!  I feel so incredibly fortunate to be surrounded by so many amazing mothers. . .my mom (the best!,) my sisters and my friends.  You are all amazing. I don’t know how you do it, but you do. And you do it so well. I hope you are spoiled today and are able to make of the day whatever you want.

As I’ve said before, I’m not a parent, but I do want to share some awesome things that my mom has done/does, or things about our relationship which I love and appreciate.  No, this isn’t everything awesome about my mom, but just a few thoughts I wanted to share.

• My mom lets me be me and supports me, even if she disagrees (as long as I’m not hurting myself, etc.)  I previously gave the example of when I got my tattoo. No, my mom isn’t a tattoo kind of lady, but she told me she liked my tattoo (and I believe her) and joked with me about her getting one too.  I asked her how she could be so supportive of me making decisions that she doesn’t agree with and she ultimately said that I’m an adult, that she trusts that I’ve thought about it, made an informed decision (which I did with my tattoo,) and essentially she trusts/supports me.  She has done this with small things, like the tattoo, but also bigger decisions I’ve made in my life too.
• I remember telling my mom how much I appreciate her being my mom growing up, not my best friend.  I always liked and loved my mom “I love you, I like you,” (which is probably a bit of an understatement. . .I was a bit obsessed with her when I was really little,) but she was always my mom, not my friend.  I think I needed her as my mom when I was younger and her being my mom (not my friend) enabled her to become one of my best friends as a grown adult. She will always be my mom, but I love that she is now my mom and my friend.  She truly is one of my very best friends now.
• My mom respected how I felt about things/how I was comfortable.  I know I had shared the example of when I got my period, I was so uncomfortable telling my mom that I wrote her a note telling her.  She didn’t make me sit down and talk to her, instead she wrote me a note back, telling me that I could always come to her if I needed anything and she got me products needed etc.  I am so appreciative that she didn’t force me to sit down and talk, talk, talk to her, she didn’t take it personal - I mean I wasn’t comfortable really talking to anyone about it. She communicated with me in a way that I had demonstrated made me the most comfortable.  And no, I’m not saying that parents should never sit their kids down and have difficult/uncomfortable conversations. . .sometimes that is what is needed. I like though that my mom took into account how uncomfortable I was with it and respected that, communicated with and helped me in a way that I could best relate to/take in.
• My mom has let me make mistakes.  I’m sure there were many, many, many times in my life when my mom was looking at what I was doing/decisions I was making and just cringed, felt terrible, worried etc.  Unfortunately though, I feel that some things in life just have to be learned through experience - I’m sure if she said, “no, what are you doing, you can’t date xyz,” I would have just been mad and/or ignored her.
• When I was dealing with the consequences of my poor decisions, my mom was always there for me - to listen, a shoulder to cry on. . .she was just there to support me.  She never said “I told you so,” or tried to make me feel bad about what I had done. . .she was just there to love and support me. I really have put my mom through a lot - the standard bad boyfriends etc, but also, more seriously, my eating disorder.  She never gave up on me, she never was “finished” with me. While she didn’t tell me this specific to me and/or my eating disorder I had asked my mom how she was able to put up with another person’s mental health issue and I remember asking her how she does it, if she ever thinks about washing her hands of it and she told me that she always thinks/reminds herself that it is an illness.  “They are not just being mean/misbehaving, they are sick.” You wouldn’t shut someone out for having an illness like cancer, so she couldn’t do that with a mental illness. So true (in my opinion,) but what an amazing, strong woman to not only think that, but to reflect that in her actions. And I am so grateful that she was able to continue supporting me through all the stuff I put her through, especially my eating disorder. I could not have gotten healthy without the love and support she gave me, as well as my other family and friends.
• There is obviously a time for all things, but in general, my mom has been very open with me.  If I ask her questions, she answers me honestly, whether it is personal, silly, or whatever. I know my sister Allie says I always get good information/stories out of mom.  I just ask questions and she is always willing to answer.
• As I mentioned above, my mom is now my mom and my friend. I think as I've gotten older and our relationship has changed, I've been able to see my mom more for who she really is. Yes, I would have always said she was loving, supportive, comforting, smart. . .but I love that I've been able to grow to see my mom as funny, witty, strong, sassy (at times) and just so much more. It isn't that she changed, it is just that I've been able to see more of the whole person she is.
• Lastly, to all the moms in my life, you are all amazing.  Seriously. I can’t imagine the stress and pressure put on mothers (by others and yourselves.)  Please keep being amazing and try to remind yourself that there is no “perfect” mother. You can’t all be everything - I try to remind myself this sometimes. . .one person just doesn’t get to be the super fun, super smart, super sensitive, super sweet, etc.  We all have our strengths and we don’t all get to or need to be amazing and perfect at everything.
• I have to include in here that my mom went to brunch today with my sister Alyssa and mentioned that the bread pudding was so amazing that she had to have seconds. Well I told her that she has always been so incredibly selfless that she deserves it. She has been so selfless with me throughout the years and I am sure she has sacrificed dessert many times - letting me have the last cookie, or not getting her dessert because she had to pick me up from somewhere, so she definitely deserves an extra serving of bread pudding. I hope all of you moms treated yourself today, because you deserve it!

As I’ve said before, I know nothing about parenting and I don’t think that pets are equal to human children.  That being said, not having human kids, my dog is the little being that I love and care for. . .the closest thing I have to a child.  I so love and appreciate that my mom respects me being a dog mom. If Stout is sick, my mom is sure to ask the next day how she is doing, just as she would with any of my nieces/nephews.  So, I love, love, love that my mom gets me Mother’s Day cards from Stout. Once my mom even got me a Mother’s Day gift. . .a nice bottle of perfume, which I loved and accepted, but was also sure to tell my mom that while I love the intention, the gift is too much.  I will happily accept the cards, but she really doesn’t need to get me actual gifts. She gets me the cutest dog mom cards though! Below is my card from this year.

 29 Women On What They Wish People Understood About Their Chronic Illnesses

I just came across and this article:  29 Women On What They Wish People Understood About Their Chronic Illnesses.  As someone with a chronic illness I understand where these women are coming from.  That being said, it reminds me how incredibly fortunate I am to have such supportive and understanding friends and family.  As most people have heard me say, “I am not grateful for my MS, but I am able to identify good that has come from my MS,” with one thing being the solidary of my friends and family.  I have always been fortunate to be supported by my friends and family, but I really feel solidarity with those I love/who love me and it is wonderful.

This article got me thinking. . .supporting someone with an illness or disability is tough.  I think especially because everyone wants and reacts to support differently. I still recall once in college I was at a grocery store and there was a man in a wheelchair trying to get ice cream, but appeared to be having trouble doing so.  I went over and asked if I could help and he responded angrily, “no.” (Or who knows, I don’t really remember, maybe I just reached in and grabbed it for him and I shouldn’t have, maybe I was too forward in my trying to help ) I remember thinking, “jeez, I was just trying to help.”  Looking back, I figure he may have just been having a bad day, had been set on doing this independently etc. Very often when I run someone will stop me and ask if I am okay - people out walking/running, some people will pull their car over. (My gait is all strange, I’m super slow, sometimes kind of off balance etc.)  I always smile, say “no thanks” and continue on my way. Some people leave, but others will ask again - “are you sure, can I get you some water, do you need my phone etc.” John had asked me - “doesn’t that bother you and annoy you?” And you know what, it doesn’t. I love it. And no, I don’t love it for the attention, it is just always a reminder to me of the good there is out there, how many kind people are out there.

So it is tough, do you offer to help or not?  We all have to just read the situation and do what we think is best.  My one rule for myself is usually to just ask if they are okay/help is needed, if I think that something is wrong/help is needed. (So just because someone has a different gait, I wouldn't ask if they need anything as long as they seem okay, if they are still cruising along, don't appear distressed, etc.) And if I offer help and someone says “no,” then to just leave it. Also, I think we can all remember that in most cases, especially with friends/family, we can just ask people what they want/need from us.

Anyway, as I had said previously, I’ve been so incredibly fortunate to have the friends and family that I do, loving and supporting me, but one theme I saw through many of these, was women just wanting people to believe them.  So I would just ask that people believe and support each other, regardless. Are there people out there that lie? Yes, but let’s face it, most people are honest and we should just believe and support them. As one women stated “nobody chooses this.”  Yes, it may seem awesome not having to work, but as she expressed, I miss working - I truly do. It is so much harder to not work than I expected. . .much harder emotionally, but but financially, too.

Thanks again to all my loving, trusting, understanding, supportive friends and family!  Everyone has their challenges in life, everyone, and I’m just so fortunate to have you all by my side.