Body Image

Body Image

With summer approaching (maybe? hopefully?) we are getting closer to swimsuit season in Chicago.  While body image issues are spoken of more often around swimsuit season, it is something I, and most women, deal with year round.  (If you know me, then you already know that body image is an issue for me and if you don’t, you could likely infer this from my previous posts - with my eating disorder and food issues, of course body image issues are in the mix.)  I am happy to be in a pretty good place now with my body image. I still often struggle to have a positive body image, but I am so much better than years prior

I recently saw this article:  Bebe Rexha Posts Bikini Pic To Show ‘What A Real Woman Looks Like’

.  I had never heard of Bebe Rexha, (by the way, she is a singer,) but with body image being something I struggle with, I looked at the article out of curiosity.  Famous people posting an untouched photo, or bikini photo showing what their body really looks like isn’t all that uncommon anymore. I feel that they usually still look fabulous - they are in amazing shape, have wonderful skin, etc.  I mean look at this article/photo of Christie Brinkley, 65, in her bikini - she looks amazing for any age, especially 65, but let’s face it, she is/was a supermodel and just doesn’t have an average woman’s body.  I love that the image of Bebe truly looks like a normal woman. Maybe I was especially interested because I think her body looks a lot like mine.  Anyway, I hope to see more photos of “normal” women’s bodies. I think it would be so good for improving body image.

A podcast that I was listening to last weekend was talking about how social media affects body image and they gave the example that one of the woman’s doctors said that they are seeing more and more women,young women, coming in with plastic surgery requests to make them look like a picture of themselves that had been filtered.  The doctor said they have to explain that they can’t do that - it often just isn’t possible to actually do, but also ethically. It is sad. I think it is tough enough to have a good body image, but I can see how social media makes it so much more difficult. I think about kids these days and I am so grateful that I didn’t have social media growing up.  Yes, there are upsides to social media, but ugh I had a hard enough time with my first real breakup without social media. I can’t imagine if I had to see him interacting with other girls on social media, if I had to see photos etc. I would have been even more of a mess.

I actually don’t use social media.  I have a Facebook account, but am never on it and I don’t have Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat. . .any of them.  That being said, I’ve never applied filters to any of my photos. I guess it is the norm now though for many youths (and many adults too ) I don’t know how to make it better for youth these days, but I guess we all just need to try to ensure we are building them up - good body image, the importance of non-physical qualities. . .

Happy Mother’s Day!

Just a reminder.  I am not a mom, I don’t know how all you ladies do it - I admire you.  While I consider myself a “dog mom,” no I don’t think that is anywhere near being a real mom to a human child, but my dog is the only little one that i love and care for, so that is my closest comparison.  Also, any thoughts I ever have on parenting. . .take ‘em or leave ‘em. I share things that I have seen, experienced as a child or just things that sound good, interesting etc. I don’t know anything about parenting though - I’m not trying to pretend that I do.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms in my life!  I feel so incredibly fortunate to be surrounded by so many amazing mothers. . .my mom (the best!,) my sisters and my friends.  You are all amazing. I don’t know how you do it, but you do. And you do it so well. I hope you are spoiled today and are able to make of the day whatever you want.

As I’ve said before, I’m not a parent, but I do want to share some awesome things that my mom has done/does, or things about our relationship which I love and appreciate.  No, this isn’t everything awesome about my mom, but just a few thoughts I wanted to share.

• My mom lets me be me and supports me, even if she disagrees (as long as I’m not hurting myself, etc.)  I previously gave the example of when I got my tattoo. No, my mom isn’t a tattoo kind of lady, but she told me she liked my tattoo (and I believe her) and joked with me about her getting one too.  I asked her how she could be so supportive of me making decisions that she doesn’t agree with and she ultimately said that I’m an adult, that she trusts that I’ve thought about it, made an informed decision (which I did with my tattoo,) and essentially she trusts/supports me.  She has done this with small things, like the tattoo, but also bigger decisions I’ve made in my life too.
• I remember telling my mom how much I appreciate her being my mom growing up, not my best friend.  I always liked and loved my mom “I love you, I like you,” (which is probably a bit of an understatement. . .I was a bit obsessed with her when I was really little,) but she was always my mom, not my friend.  I think I needed her as my mom when I was younger and her being my mom (not my friend) enabled her to become one of my best friends as a grown adult. She will always be my mom, but I love that she is now my mom and my friend.  She truly is one of my very best friends now.
• My mom respected how I felt about things/how I was comfortable.  I know I had shared the example of when I got my period, I was so uncomfortable telling my mom that I wrote her a note telling her.  She didn’t make me sit down and talk to her, instead she wrote me a note back, telling me that I could always come to her if I needed anything and she got me products needed etc.  I am so appreciative that she didn’t force me to sit down and talk, talk, talk to her, she didn’t take it personal - I mean I wasn’t comfortable really talking to anyone about it. She communicated with me in a way that I had demonstrated made me the most comfortable.  And no, I’m not saying that parents should never sit their kids down and have difficult/uncomfortable conversations. . .sometimes that is what is needed. I like though that my mom took into account how uncomfortable I was with it and respected that, communicated with and helped me in a way that I could best relate to/take in.
• My mom has let me make mistakes.  I’m sure there were many, many, many times in my life when my mom was looking at what I was doing/decisions I was making and just cringed, felt terrible, worried etc.  Unfortunately though, I feel that some things in life just have to be learned through experience - I’m sure if she said, “no, what are you doing, you can’t date xyz,” I would have just been mad and/or ignored her.
• When I was dealing with the consequences of my poor decisions, my mom was always there for me - to listen, a shoulder to cry on. . .she was just there to support me.  She never said “I told you so,” or tried to make me feel bad about what I had done. . .she was just there to love and support me. I really have put my mom through a lot - the standard bad boyfriends etc, but also, more seriously, my eating disorder.  She never gave up on me, she never was “finished” with me. While she didn’t tell me this specific to me and/or my eating disorder I had asked my mom how she was able to put up with another person’s mental health issue and I remember asking her how she does it, if she ever thinks about washing her hands of it and she told me that she always thinks/reminds herself that it is an illness.  “They are not just being mean/misbehaving, they are sick.” You wouldn’t shut someone out for having an illness like cancer, so she couldn’t do that with a mental illness. So true (in my opinion,) but what an amazing, strong woman to not only think that, but to reflect that in her actions. And I am so grateful that she was able to continue supporting me through all the stuff I put her through, especially my eating disorder. I could not have gotten healthy without the love and support she gave me, as well as my other family and friends.
• There is obviously a time for all things, but in general, my mom has been very open with me.  If I ask her questions, she answers me honestly, whether it is personal, silly, or whatever. I know my sister Allie says I always get good information/stories out of mom.  I just ask questions and she is always willing to answer.
• As I mentioned above, my mom is now my mom and my friend. I think as I've gotten older and our relationship has changed, I've been able to see my mom more for who she really is. Yes, I would have always said she was loving, supportive, comforting, smart. . .but I love that I've been able to grow to see my mom as funny, witty, strong, sassy (at times) and just so much more. It isn't that she changed, it is just that I've been able to see more of the whole person she is.
• Lastly, to all the moms in my life, you are all amazing.  Seriously. I can’t imagine the stress and pressure put on mothers (by others and yourselves.)  Please keep being amazing and try to remind yourself that there is no “perfect” mother. You can’t all be everything - I try to remind myself this sometimes. . .one person just doesn’t get to be the super fun, super smart, super sensitive, super sweet, etc.  We all have our strengths and we don’t all get to or need to be amazing and perfect at everything.
• I have to include in here that my mom went to brunch today with my sister Alyssa and mentioned that the bread pudding was so amazing that she had to have seconds. Well I told her that she has always been so incredibly selfless that she deserves it. She has been so selfless with me throughout the years and I am sure she has sacrificed dessert many times - letting me have the last cookie, or not getting her dessert because she had to pick me up from somewhere, so she definitely deserves an extra serving of bread pudding. I hope all of you moms treated yourself today, because you deserve it!

As I’ve said before, I know nothing about parenting and I don’t think that pets are equal to human children.  That being said, not having human kids, my dog is the little being that I love and care for. . .the closest thing I have to a child.  I so love and appreciate that my mom respects me being a dog mom. If Stout is sick, my mom is sure to ask the next day how she is doing, just as she would with any of my nieces/nephews.  So, I love, love, love that my mom gets me Mother’s Day cards from Stout. Once my mom even got me a Mother’s Day gift. . .a nice bottle of perfume, which I loved and accepted, but was also sure to tell my mom that while I love the intention, the gift is too much.  I will happily accept the cards, but she really doesn’t need to get me actual gifts. She gets me the cutest dog mom cards though! Below is my card from this year.

 29 Women On What They Wish People Understood About Their Chronic Illnesses

I just came across and this article:  29 Women On What They Wish People Understood About Their Chronic Illnesses.  As someone with a chronic illness I understand where these women are coming from.  That being said, it reminds me how incredibly fortunate I am to have such supportive and understanding friends and family.  As most people have heard me say, “I am not grateful for my MS, but I am able to identify good that has come from my MS,” with one thing being the solidary of my friends and family.  I have always been fortunate to be supported by my friends and family, but I really feel solidarity with those I love/who love me and it is wonderful.

This article got me thinking. . .supporting someone with an illness or disability is tough.  I think especially because everyone wants and reacts to support differently. I still recall once in college I was at a grocery store and there was a man in a wheelchair trying to get ice cream, but appeared to be having trouble doing so.  I went over and asked if I could help and he responded angrily, “no.” (Or who knows, I don’t really remember, maybe I just reached in and grabbed it for him and I shouldn’t have, maybe I was too forward in my trying to help ) I remember thinking, “jeez, I was just trying to help.”  Looking back, I figure he may have just been having a bad day, had been set on doing this independently etc. Very often when I run someone will stop me and ask if I am okay - people out walking/running, some people will pull their car over. (My gait is all strange, I’m super slow, sometimes kind of off balance etc.)  I always smile, say “no thanks” and continue on my way. Some people leave, but others will ask again - “are you sure, can I get you some water, do you need my phone etc.” John had asked me - “doesn’t that bother you and annoy you?” And you know what, it doesn’t. I love it. And no, I don’t love it for the attention, it is just always a reminder to me of the good there is out there, how many kind people are out there.

So it is tough, do you offer to help or not?  We all have to just read the situation and do what we think is best.  My one rule for myself is usually to just ask if they are okay/help is needed, if I think that something is wrong/help is needed. (So just because someone has a different gait, I wouldn't ask if they need anything as long as they seem okay, if they are still cruising along, don't appear distressed, etc.) And if I offer help and someone says “no,” then to just leave it. Also, I think we can all remember that in most cases, especially with friends/family, we can just ask people what they want/need from us.

Anyway, as I had said previously, I’ve been so incredibly fortunate to have the friends and family that I do, loving and supporting me, but one theme I saw through many of these, was women just wanting people to believe them.  So I would just ask that people believe and support each other, regardless. Are there people out there that lie? Yes, but let’s face it, most people are honest and we should just believe and support them. As one women stated “nobody chooses this.”  Yes, it may seem awesome not having to work, but as she expressed, I miss working - I truly do. It is so much harder to not work than I expected. . .much harder emotionally, but but financially, too.

Thanks again to all my loving, trusting, understanding, supportive friends and family!  Everyone has their challenges in life, everyone, and I’m just so fortunate to have you all by my side.