How We Choose to Remember Those in our Lives

How We Choose to Remember
Those in our Lives

I was listening to Dax Shepard’s podcast with Elizabeth Gilbert.  They were talking about the passing of her love.  While discussing end of life Dax said “I would refuse to disrespect what a beautiful experience this had been by measuring it all by the end” and I just really loved that.  I don’t think by any means that everyone shouldn’t remember the end/has to remember only the good of those who pass.  That being said, I agree with Dax - we are all complex people and if someone is in my life it is because they are “good” and it is okay to remember the good, not just “the end.”

I think this really touched me because someone I love dearly is much different later in their life than they were earlier in life, ultimately being “better/nicer” earlier in their life and I know that when they pass  I will choose to remember them as they were earlier in their life. I actually kind of already do this. . .I choose to think of who they were earlier in life, rather than who they are now. I realize that there may very well be some psychological learnings that would consider this “wrong,” but this is how I feel best and am best able to deal with the person as they are now.  I am not ignoring/blind to their faults, but I choose to look at them/think of them as the wonderful person they were for most of my life. . .not just who they are now.

Talking to Kids - Ugh . . .Puberty

Talking to Kids - Ugh . . .Puberty

There are many things that I know, not being a parent, I miss out on/will miss out on.  One thing though that I am happy to miss/not have to deal with is puberty. I’m glad I don’t have to deal with and navigate the changing bodies, attitudes, hormones. . .  I obviously have no experience in parenting, but I recently read This mother's description of her tween son's brain is a must-read for all parents and thought it would be good to share.  Many of you have children - some approaching puberty soon, some not for several years.  I like the idea of being very open with, communicating with children, even when it comes to uncomfortable topics like puberty.

This made me think of a podcast that I recently listened to.  They were talking about Pride month and were ultimately discussing wanting Pride events to be for everyone. . .including families/children and how to do it in a way that allows the LBGTQ community to be themselves, while also having it be family friendly.  I, as I’m sure many of you, have been to some Pride parades where I’ve seen some risque things. Much of it though is just more different than risque. They talked about how well kids handle things when you just talk to them and give them information.  They used the example of a man dressed in a pink fairy costume. A child might find that confusing/strange or ask about that, but for many children, especially young children, it can be as simple as just explaining - he likes pink, he likes fairies. That may be all that some kids need.

Once again, not coming from a parent, so what do I know, but it really made me think that sometimes maybe things are scarier or harder for adults to talk about than for the kids.  Maybe we (adults) need to just sometimes face the discomfort and talk to kids. Just my $0.02.

A Couple Good Reminders

A Couple Good Reminders

I recently started listening to Dax Shepard’s podcast.  I couldn’t have told you much of anything about him other than he is Kristen Bell’s husband.  I have really enjoyed his podcast though. He is funny/silly, but also I would say he is more emotional (aware of, able to talk about etc) than the stereotypical average man.

Today I was listening to the episode with Kumail Nanjiani  A couple things were discussed that stood out to me that I just wanted to share:

Comparing Yourself to Others

They were talking about how comparing yourself to others is such a bad/negative thing to do, because it usually ends up making people feel bad about/question themselves.  In the discussion, Dax gave the little aphorism: Don’t compare yourself to others, compare yourself to yourself (your younger self/yourself prior.) I liked this. Comparing yourself to others just about always ends up making us feel bad about ourselves.  I think though that it is/can be very insightful to look at yourself - what you have done, believed, etc in the past. I think everyone can always continue to better themselves and grow. I still have a lot to do to improve myself as a person, but I feel that I’ve become a better person as I’ve gotten older.  That doesn’t mean though that I am better in every way, but I have grown and improved in a lot of ways and I think much of that is a result of self reflection.

Anger

When discussing anger it was recommended that when angry it is important to focus on yourself - what you can do to improve things, whether improving a situation, improving your attitude etc.  The example was given - if you are angry dealing with traffic think about how things can get better - either you can change or the traffic can change. You know the traffic isn’t going to change, so you need to change yourself, your attitude, your expectations.  I think this is a good reminder that while often so many things are out of our control, we always have control over our attitudes. And no, it isn’t always easy, but it is something that we can do.