Consent

I just read this article and wanted to share, especially with the many of you who are parents:  This third grade teacher's classroom lessons on consent are perfection.  I feel that the importance of consent was not taught when I was younger and I think it is/has become more and more important and relevant these days.

Reading this article made me think of something Stout’s trainer had said/taught us during one of her classes.  Please know that as much as I love Stout and you know that I do, I am not trying to compare dogs to children. I don’t think they are the same.  Stout though is just the little one I care for and this kind of applied to kids as well. Anyway, one women was trying to get her dog to “say hi” to another person in the room and the dog kept kind of turning away, walking away etc.  The women kept pushing her dog to “say hi.” The trainer stepped in and asked her to stop. . .she pointed out that the dog clearly didn’t want to say hi and was “telling” her that in an appropriate way.  (The dog wasn’t being aggressive and lunging at or biting the person. . .it was walking away etc.) She said that we can’t make dogs like everyone (all people, all animals etc) and that we need to respect them “telling us” that they don’t want to “say hi.”

As I said, I don’t believe dogs and kids are the same, but this got me thinking about kids and consent.  I thought of the age old example of telling a kid to say hi to and give Uncle Joe (random person, who they don’t know) a hug. . .the kid not wanting to do so and being pushed to do so.  Maybe in that case we should respect that they are not giving consent for a hug. We can’t force a kid to feel comfortable. Maybe we should respect their decision. Maybe we just say “if you want to, you can say hi and give Uncle Joe a hug” and/or maybe “you don’t have to give Uncle Joe a hug, even if he keeps asking for one,” maybe instead we just ask the kid to “please be respectful and go in and say hi with mom/dad”. . .but they don’t need to give a hug etc.

Seemingly innocent situations, such as giving Uncle Joe hugs (or not having to,) may be setting kids up to understand and respect consent, for themselves and/or others. . .or not. While I try to not be pushy with kids and/or make them uncomfortable, I'll definitely keep consent in mind when interacting with them. Actually, I'll just try to keep it in mind for everyone. . .adults and kids, since I think one's consent should be given/respected.